Rewind. Fast forward. Pause, please.

There have been so many changes and acontesimientos in the past 7 1/2 months since Lukas was born. Not all bad by any means, but definitely some tough moments have come by and it seems like they've all clumped together, crowding around us and making it difficult to breathe at times. We need a break from all of it. I wish we could just take off and go somewhere and not have to think about anything except ourselves and our son. No decisions to make, no sorrow to feel, no stress. Oh well. Soon I hope.

It's funny because if life were a video, I'd be hiting the rewind, fast forward and pause buttons quite a bit. I'd rewind to before my dad passed away and I would do many things differently. I would enjoy certain moments that in the haste of life I let them slip by. I would make sure that he spent more time with Lukas and that I, in turn, spent more time with him. I would ask him about his life more and about my grandparents and about what he really wanted after he was gone. All the questions I have now I would ask them.

I would hit fast forward to get through the moments after his death and this trip so that all could go back to normal as much as possible and we could reach more of a closure. I would fast forward stress and tension until we got to relaxation and relief. I would fast forward so that I could bypass tears and sadness and reach smiles and happiness - fast forward through the rough patches.

But I would also hit pause so that I can enjoy more time with my son and my husband. Lukas is growing so quickly and is doing so many new things that I don't want time to keep going. I want time to stand still so I can truly enjoy each moment - second - of his life.

Time. Crazy thing that it is, isn't it? Looking through old photographs you can really see the passage of time. And before we know it, we're going to be old and looking at our grow up children having children of their own and going through the same thoughts and emotions we are.

Rewind. Fast forward. Pause.... If only that were true.