Hump day, pump day

Today's hump day and my did I have to get over a hump. Today was by far the hardest day so far. Yesterday when Jorge and I picked him up from my sister-in-law's house, he pouted and almost cried at me. Us, his parents- he viewed us as strangers (or he was hurt we'd left him for so many hours). As a result of the new routine, he was completely off, including his naps and his sleep.

Today, when I went to drop him off, I was so sad. I cried before getting there and once I was there. My sister-in-law also cried because I was crying! But Lukas gave her a big smile when he got there, letting me know he was okay. I cried so much and I missed him so much. Today the scope of this new routine really hit home, and I hated it. I hated leaving him behind. I hated being away from him for so many hours. I hated having this rushed routine where I barely spent any time with him in the morning before rushing off. And when I went to pick him up, he looked at me with such a serious face. No big smile like I'd hoped and longed for. I mean, after a little bit he was all smiles with me, but when I got there, he didn't smile at me.

A funny aside - as I learn my new routine, I'm also learning how to pump at work. While I do have my own office, with a door that locks, I also have many windows. I have strategic ones covered so no one can see anything unless they are right outside which is hard to do since I'm on a second story without any "floor" space outside the windows (I see downstairs directly). Well, I was getting ready to pump, my door was closed/locked, my boob was out and the pump was on when I hear this loud noise, only to see that there was someone on a crane RIGHT OUTSIDE MY WINDOW with perfect view inside my office!!!!!! OMG I was mortified! They're fixing god-knows-what on the roof or something. Sigh. Classic moment that I'll never forget.

After picking Lukas up, we headed home. He napped and I worked. Then we went to Gymboree level 2 and he loved it! Then back home to cook and another nap for Mr. Lukas Pukas. Our evening routine is pretty much the same. Oh, and he loves my homemade green beens and butternut squash purees, as well as the apple and peach one. I've become quite the baby food maker these days.

Seriously though, I long for the ease and pace of these past few months. I will gladly give up a possible trip to Europe or wherever to stay with my baby at home. I hated how I felt today and if I were to be governed by impulse, I'd probably be submitting my resignation letter. But I will stick it out - for now. Patience, my father would tell me. So patience it is and we'll see how this continues. But I know that the option to be an adjunct is there and it is an option that appeals to me right now as I'd be able to have most of the week free to be with my baby. I pray to God for the guidance to make the right decision for my family - for my baby.